Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
sleep naps consciousness
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
doctors work-out shapes
My doctor told me I shouldn't work out until I'm in better shape. I told him, 'All right; don't send me a bill until I pay you.'
firsts killing first-time
It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
dog cat eye
I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
funny humor thinking
I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
funny humor invisible-ink
How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
funny humor men
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
depression nice scare
You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
funny-life redneck way
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
phones ears mouths
Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
dog fun insane
I bought a dog the other day. . . . I named him Stay. It's fun to call him. . . . "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing.
money gun giving
The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store."
dog pet gone
I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
lips karaoke arrested
I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.