Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
baby beach vacation
Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
waiting speed hours
I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
distance long walking
Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
funny humor height
I'm not afraid of heights. I'm afraid of widths.
funny suicide humor
I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, "See, that's how it's done."
needs use mime
If you shoot a Mime, do you need to use a silencer?
years eight birth
My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.
snakes
Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
honor mind parks
Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?
funny humor light
I saw a want ad. "light housekeeping." They said "Here, change this bulb." I said "I'll need some friends."
drug may scenic
Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
time watches spares
I Xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare.
sarcastic hurt feels
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
funny humor buttons
I lost a button hole.