Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
happens
It happens so fast, and I've been doing it so long that it's unconscious,
statue
The statue is permanently out of place in my house,
american-comedian paint small
It's a small world but I wouldn't want to paint it.
spot
I spilled Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
beating best game hang known
I've known Ian for a while. It's not about beating the best pitcher. He's still my buddy. I'll probably hang out with him tonight. It's just another game to me.
ahead
I was just getting too ahead of myself. I was rushing.
hours faster officers
Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
mistake listening
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
humorous school college
I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.
grateful careers imagination
I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination; I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
swear
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
funny-motivational math people
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
phones long calendars
I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, "Stephen, why haven't you called me?" I said, "I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it." He said, "How long have you had it?" I said, "I don't know . . . my calendar has no sevens on it."
time watches spares
I Xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare.