Famous Quotes & Sayings

Bob Hope

A few years ago he had a big heart transplant in Chicago, a five-hour operation. It took the doctors four hours to get him on the operating table.

Bob Hope

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

Bob Hope

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

Bette Midler

I married a German. Every night I dress up as Poland and he invades me.

Bette Midler

After thirty, a body has a mind of its own.

Bette Midler

I never know how much of what I say is true.

Benny Hill

Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.

Benny Hill

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

Bill Gates

No one will need more than 637Kb of memory for a personal computer

Bill Gates

Like almost everyone who uses e-mail, I receive a ton of spam every day. Much of it offers to help me get out of debt or get rich quick. It would be funny if it weren't so exciting.

Bill Gates

in china when you're one in a million, there are 1300 people just like you

Bill Gates

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

My mind wanders a lot, but fortunately it's too weak to go very far.

Bob Arum

Sugar Ray Leonard's retirements last about as long as Elizabeth Taylor's marriages.

Bob Arum

Yesterday I was lying, today I am telling the truth.

We're going to do a show that's loose, human, passionate and funny. A new generation of radio for people with real lives.

William Shakespeare

Frailty, thy name is woman!

William Shakespeare

Do you not know I am a woman? when I think, I must speak.

William Shakespeare

As he was valiant, I honour him. But as he was ambitious, I slew him.

Chelsea Clinton

I'm a big health food freak and a vegetarian devotee.

Chelsea Handler

I will probably have sex with Eminem after the show is over. Probably, I dont see why I wouldnt. Im fair game, its not like Im that picky, youve seen the guys Ive dated. I like Swizz Beatz, just because I would like to yell out in bed, Swizz Beatz! Keep it coming!

Chelsea Handler

I have more respect for somebody who's like, 'Yeah I like to party, so screw off,' then for Tara , who talks about not partying and ends up passed out underneath a Subway, not a subway station, but the actual sandwich shop - two days later.

Chelsea Handler

I have no idea why gay men love me, but I would have to assume it's because they know how much I love the gays! Everyone needs a good gay man in their life.

Chelsea Handler

... some of the best sex I can barely remember.

Chelsea Handler

He was all emotion all the time, constantly talking about his feelings and his profound love for her. He was minutes from getting his first period. He wrote poems too. It's my personal belief that if men are writing poems, they're making up for something else like a big hair back, or one ball. Not that one ball is a bad thing. Especially since I don't know any females who are dying to their their hands on a set of balls. The way I see it, the less balls, the better.

Chelsea Handler

Why would you go out and not drink? Just stay home and sit there.

Chelsea Handler

But then, like George Michael in a men's bathroom, I got cocky.

Chelsea Handler

I know they don't recommend Ibuprofen during pregnancy, but you needed something fast for the hangovers.

Chelsea Handler

Kristen Stewart always looks like she's posing for pictures taken in a basement by her creepy uncle.

Chelsea Handler

I think they should make Twilight closets and all the cast members can walk out of them.

Chelsea Handler

You should never be mean to other girls. I don't care what grade you're in. Be nice to people until you're my age... and you have your own TV show.

Chelsea Handler

First of all, i'm not an actor - I'm an asshole.

Chelsea Handler

That's Al Qaeda's new plan: to destroy America one period at a time.