Famous Quotes & Sayings

Leslie Fiedler

I think the pattern of my essays is, A funny thing happened to me on my way through Finnegans Wake.

Leslie Fiedler

It's funny to be a critic.

Lee Majors

Clint Eastwood's a good friend, too - he and I used to play in softball games together.

Lawrence Ferlinghetti

If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.

Lawrence Durrell

I'm trying to die correctly, but it's very difficult, you know.

Laura Prepon

Well, the clothes are really cool that we wear. The sets are so funny, because it's like everything is so real.

Larry David

I'm surprized Hitler didn't round up the toupee people.

Larry David

You have to discover when you're inadequate to be funny and you don't know you're inadequate when you're a kid.

Larry David

If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.

Larry David

I think we're all good and bad, but good's not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny.

Larry David

I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it's hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.

Neil Simon

All humor is based on hostility - that's why World War Two was funny.

Neil Simon

Gee, what a terrific party. Later on we'll get some fluid and embalm each other.

Marcello Mastroianni

Once they call you a Latin Lover, you're in real trouble. Women expect an Oscar performance in bed.

Marc Jacobs

I empathize with women in their high heels so I'll be there in my kilt and T-shirt and I'll walk around all day just to prove that if I can wear the shoes for 36 hours then certainly our customer can wear them.

Marc Maron

I'm proud to be part of a generation where reading is a 'look.'

Marc Maron

I'm just saying, 'Hey, throw me a bone. How about a smile, cute t-shirt? Look at me.' Nothing - unless it's a turn to their friends to go, 'Hey, why is that weird guy looking at us?'

Marc Maron

God doesn't seem to talk to people like he used to. Who's he talking to now? I don't know. Then I'm walking down the street in Manhattan one day, and I realize maybe it's those guys you see walking down the street talking to themselves. You know, those guys that are like, 'I can't! No, I can't!' Maybe the other side of that conversation is God going, 'You're the new leader.' 'No I can't!' They're not crazy - they're reluctant prophets.

Marc Maron

I'm not a racist. It's really case by case; it's not ethnicity specific. It's just the way I react to things that are different. I think that's normal. Everyone's nervous when they're confronted with things that they don't understand or are different. That's a normal human reaction. It doesn't become racist 'til you say things like, 'Oh, there's a lot of them.'

Marc Maron

There's this whole post-modern, nuevo beatnik, retro-bohemian thing going on, you know what I mean? You walk into some coffee shops, and it feels like you're an ex-patriot in Paris in the 20s. You're like, 'Hey, isn't that a young Ernest Hemingway over there? Yeah, I think it is! Hey, let's go have a look and see what he's writing... It's a Gap application.'

Marc Maron

I live in Los Angeles, I know it exists. I know you're not supposed to taste air.

Marc Maron

Let's be honest, this is a consumer based economy in America. That's all we manufacture here is need and appetite. We are the world's mouth. They make things in other countries, and they're like, 'Send it to America; they'll eat it.'

Marc Maron

We need the children of Indonesia and the Philippines to manufacture our freedom of choice.

Marc Maron

I was married once before, and I stopped.

Marc Maron

I used to be jealous; I'm not jealous anymore. And a miracle happened to me, because if you're jealous, it's a cancer, it's a plague on your spirit, it really is. And I actually cured jealousy in a very weird way - I cured it with mathematics. And I'm not a math person at all, but I've been with my wife for about seven years, so we have had sex probably, I'd like to think, like, 9 million times or, at least, 1,500. So, the way I figured it, if she goes out and screws some other guy once - I'm still winning.

Marc Maron

I immediately went out and bought a book on anger management. And now I have that book, and I don't know if I'll get to the book. But I'm certainly excited about the day where I can't find the book, and I get to say, 'Where the hell is my anger management book?!'

Marc Maron

My dad is actually a manic depressive, which is very exciting half the time.

Marc Maron

They are not testing comics for drugs. If our job is dependent on that, there would be three working comics in the country, and two of them would have puppets.

Marc Maron

I don't care what anybody says, I think that George Bush is absolutely the right president to oversea the end of the world.

Marc Maron

Well, evolution's just a theory.' And, I'm thinking to myself, 'Well, thank goodness gravity's a law.'

Joseph Conrad

Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men.

Karrie Webb

Golf is my boyfriend right now.

Leighton Meester

In this world, everyone wants to know everything about you, and I think that's funny.