Famous Quotes & Sayings

Audrey Hepburn

I don't want to be alone, I want to be left alone.

Bill Watterson

When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.

Preston Sturges

wouldn't it be hilarious if he ran his pipes through (fill in the blank)?

Denise Richards

I am truly not one to give advice. I'm divorced and I stole my best friend's husband.

Benny Hill

Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?

Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.

Dave Barry

If women were in charge of all the world's nations, there would be sincerely believe this - no military conflicts, and when there WAS a military conflict, everybody involved would feel just awful and there would soon be a high-level exchange of notes written on greeting cards with flowers on the front, followed by a Peace Luncheon

Daniel Handler

Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.

Men have only two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.

Dan Harmon

Pretty sad. Pretty lonely. But that's how I prefer it? I quess? I guess. It's a good guess. It's the best quess ever.

Amy Poehler

Girls, if a boy says something that isn't funny, you don't have to laugh.

Amy Poehler

Take your risks now; as you become older, you become more fearful and less flexible. And I mean that literally. I hurt my knee this week on the treadmill, and it wasn't even on.

Amy Poehler

Anybody who doesn't make you feel good, kick them to the curb. And the earlier you start in your life, the better.

Amy Poehler

There's power in looking silly and not caring that you do.

Dan Chaon

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

Rita Rudner

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

Simon Cowell

I actually don't understand a word Paula's saying anymore. It's like a new language.

Steven Seagal

People all over the world recognize me as a spiritual leader.

Tina Fey

I think women dress for other women to let them know what their deal is. Because if women were only dressing for men, there would be nothing but Victoria's Secret. There would be no Dior.

Tina Fey

Confidence is 10 percent hard work and 90 percent delusion.

Stephen Colbert

I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.

Ray Bradbury

A conglomerate heap of trash, that's what I am. But it burns with a high flame.

Tom Cruise

Psychiatry is a pseudoscience.... You don't know the history of psychiatry. I do...Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, you don't even -you're glib. You don't even know what Ritalin is.

Michael Scott

I never avoid something that challenges my guts and my heart. While I might occasionally puke my guts out, I have never puked my heart out.

Miguel de Cervantes

The reason for the unreason with which you treat my reason , so weakens my reason that with reason I complain of your beauty.

Melissa Etheridge

This is the only naked man that will ever be in my bedroom.

Matthew McConaughey

We found a great rhythm. Contractions started kicking in. I sat there with her, right between her legs. We got tribal on it, we danced to it! I was DJ-ing this Brazilian music.

Lance Armstrong

A boo is a lot louder than a cheer.

Mariah Carey

I just want one day off when I can go swimming and eat ice cream and look at rainbows.

Mark Twain

I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately.

Martha Stewart

I want to focus on my salad.

Mark Twain

Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate.

I am truly obsessed with Lena Dunham. I find everything about her unique and refreshing. She is a brilliant, hilarious and honest writer who is not afraid to make her audience uncomfortable.