Famous Quotes & Sayings

Sean O'Casey

Laughter is wine for the soul-laughter soft, or loud and deep, tinged through with seriousness. the hilarious declaration made by man that life is worth living.

Robert Conquest

The behavior of any bureaucratic organization can best be understood by assuming that it is controlled by a secret cabal of its enemies.

Russell Crowe

This is possibly the most shameful situation I've ever gotten myself in in my life, and I've done some pretty dumb things in my life. So to actually make a new No. 1 is spectacularly stupid.

Sarah Palin

All of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these years.

Wendy Liebman

My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already.

Willard Scott

Bryant Gumbel's ego has applied for statehood. And if it's accepted, it will be the fifth-largest.

Kellie Pickler

I thought Europe was a country?

Siouxsie Sioux

You can't take anything like that seriously. I mean, sex is pretty hilarious anyway.

Emo Philips

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Ellen DeGeneres

Do we have to know who's gay and who's straight? Can't we just love everybody and judge them by the car they drive?

It made for some hilarious moments to see him and his friends try to overcome these issues. He surrounded himself with his friends who had no idea how to put together anything like this.

Caroline Rhea

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

Mindy Kaling

If you're a kid who was not especially a star in your high school, I recommend going to a college in the middle of nowhere. I got all the attention I could ever have wanted.

Matt Groening

English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England.

Matt Groening

Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

Milton Berle

Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.

Milton Berle

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Muhammad Ali

If you even dream of beating me you'd better wake up and apologize.

Kristen Schaal

I think growing up on a farm in a certain amount of isolation, with not a lot of friends nearby, makes you entertain yourself and kind of grows your imagination - being alone is quite good for all that. You make up stories, talk to the animals, let them be an audience, a bunch of cows.

Kid Rock

If I was president of the good old U.S.A., I'd turn the churches into strip clubs and watch the whole world pray.

Mark Twain

Why waste your money looking up your family tree? Just go into politics and your opponent will do it for you.

Ashleigh Brilliant

Look how often the unexpected happens - yet we still never expect it.

Mel Gibson

What are you looking at sugar-tits?

I like stepping into the future. Therefore, I look for doorknobs.

Tao Lin

Matt would stare at Andrew for 10 minutes. It's depressing that people are different. Everyone should be one person, who should then kill itself in hand-to-hand combat.

Pete Sampras

I didn't have a big fat Greek wedding, but I have a lot of fat Greek friends.

Laurie Halse Anderson

Nicole can do anything that involves a ball and whistle.

Karl Kraus

No ideas and the ability to express them - that's a journalist.

Paul Lynde

I can't even get three weeks off to have cosmetic surgery.

Jon Stewart

I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.

Justin Timberlake

The best part about being alone is that you really don't have to answer to anybody. You do what you want.

Jim Morrison

I see myself as an intelligent, sensitive human, with the soul of a clown which forces me to blow it at the most important moments.

Joan Rivers

Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.