Author unknown
Author unknown
enjoys mean people suffer
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
missed past season tv walked
Yo momma's so fat, she walked past the TV and i missed the first season of Lost.
turns
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
fruit knowing knowledge putting tomato wisdom
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
hard knowledge power study
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
fall
Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
change love source
I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.
department fight fire remember tempted uses
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
phrase stepped whoever
Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.
good help people smiling
Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
appear appreciate attitude final gain happiness joys life loss pain rain satisfy smallest spirit sun wish
I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright. I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more. I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive. I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger. I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. I wish enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.
aim miss
I still miss my ex-girlfriend, but my aim is improving.
beginning last man says women word
Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
drive park
Why is the place you drive on is a parkway, and the place you park on is the driveway?