Author unknown
Author unknown
fine holding line
There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
love picking until wonder
Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.
learn
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
good help people smiling
Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
bus fast runs twice vehicle
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
phrase stepped whoever
Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.
hear shooting
When shooting a mime, don't use a silencer or his friends will hear you.
department fight fire remember tempted uses
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
missed past season tv walked
Yo momma's so fat, she walked past the TV and i missed the first season of Lost.
bald beer equal head street until walk women
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
fill mother says whenever
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
drive park
Why is the place you drive on is a parkway, and the place you park on is the driveway?
beginning last man says women word
Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
hilarious men two
Men have only two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.