Author unknown
Author unknown
butcher meat top
I told the butcher I'd give him $10 if he got the meat down off the top shelf. He said he couldn't. The steaks were too high.
ashes banish dead disprove doubts easter faith fan generation inviting life ourselves past seek sun time transports vast
Easter is not a time for groping through dusty, musty tomes or tombs to disprove spontaneous generation or even to prove life eternal. It is a day to fan the ashes of dead hope, a day to banish doubts and seek the slopes where the sun is rising, to revel in the faith which transports us out of ourselves and the dead past into the vast and inviting unknown.
aim miss
I still miss my ex-girlfriend, but my aim is improving.
known work
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
hear imagination invisible others people
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
turns
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
enjoys mean people suffer
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
blaming
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
block bucks cash cold five frozen hard
I got cold hard cash for Christmas. Five bucks frozen in a block of ice.
remember
Always remember that you are unique; just like everyone else.
bird early gets might mouse second
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
almost hallmark miserable
Hallmark Card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here.
phrase stepped whoever
Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.
hear shooting
When shooting a mime, don't use a silencer or his friends will hear you.