Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin
Demetri Evan Martinis an American comedian, actor, artist, musician, writer, and humorist. He is best known for his work as a stand-up comedian, being a contributor on The Daily Show, and his Comedy Central show Important Things with Demetri Martin...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth25 May 1973
CityNew York City, NY
CountryUnited States of America
stupid certain i-can
I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.
home machines speed
Now I got a time machine at home. It only goes foreword at regular speed. It's essentially a cardboard box and on the outside I wrote time machine in sharpie.
queens cubes drag
A Rubik's cube is equal to a drag queen. It's really colorful, but I don't wanna do it.
distance two lines
The shortest distance between two idiots is a conga line.
rain ceilings fans
I am a ceiling fan, especially during rain.
party thinking people
The problem with my balloon collection is that people always think there's a party. Settle down. It's not a party. It's just balloons.
baby men dust
I am a man. And I am former baby and a future skeleton, and I am a distant future pile of dust.
vampire fads make-sense
Vampire fad just won't die. Makes sense, I guess.
people television our-time
Our Times, a Brief History: As televisions became flatter, People became rounder.
tattoo drawing design
A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy.
jesus mosquitoes communion
Mosquito bites Jesus, receives communion.
nice people would-be
It would be nice if people said, God bless you not just when you sneezed but also when you farted.
bmw interesting car
It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
would-be ridiculous just-kids
I am everything and I am nothing. I am just kidding; I am not everything and nothing. That would be ridiculous. I am just everything.