Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin
Demetri Evan Martinis an American comedian, actor, artist, musician, writer, and humorist. He is best known for his work as a stand-up comedian, being a contributor on The Daily Show, and his Comedy Central show Important Things with Demetri Martin...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth25 May 1973
CityNew York City, NY
CountryUnited States of America
writing goal shooting
My original goal was just to do stand-up but then I became interested in films - writing a film, shooting one someday, and getting to act in them.
confused moving people
For me and most of my friends who are comedians, if you've been doing comedy for a while, your tolerance for things actually moves. I find it very hard to be shocked, and when other people aggressively take offense to something, I'm sometimes confused.
night lasts stories
When telling a story about how wasted you were last night, stop.
multiple-choice choices tests
When I am given a multiple choice test I choose not to take it.
horse college men
There is also a beast, a beast of strange dimensions. He has the head of a horse and the body of a man who needs a lot of attention. He represents me in college: I was a dork-ataur.
sexy scotch tape
If you want to feel less sexy put scotch tape on your nipples.
crazy nails looks
Use crazy glue and nails to turn a rocking chair into just a chair that looks like a rocking chair.
jesus people example
I like when people wear a WWJD bracelet, because it's like an example of the first thing Jesus wouldn't do, probably.
night amputees twister
The other night I was playing twister with some amputees.
fire giving arms
If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give something to panic and wave you arms around and scream about.
men saws old-man
One time I saw an old man in a hurry and I thought, 'That makes sense.'
queens kings men
Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.
average scream ends
If you stretched the average person's intestines out from end to end, it would make them scream a lot.
men parades traffic
Parades are man's attempt to make traffic exciting.