Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Ada Driver, better known as Phyllis Diller, was an American stand-up comedian, actress, singer, dancer, and voice artist, best known for her eccentric stage persona, her self-deprecating humor, her wild hair and clothes, and her exaggerated, cackling laugh...
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth17 July 1917
CityLima, OH
children want looks
You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
night snow grease
When I go to bed at night, I've got so much grease on my body I wear snow chains to hold up my gown.
husband coffee giving
Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?' I thought that was the least he could do considering I was giving birth.
shapes underwear body
My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
dope want sound
I don’t want to sound like I’m on dope, but that hour is a high; it’s as good as you can feel. A wonderful, wonderful happiness, and great power.
mother
All mothers are working mothers.
mother husband son
I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch."
matter guests not-ready
No matter what time your guests arrive, pretend they're early, so naturally you're not ready.
football stars team
I am constantly being asked about individuals. The only way to win is as a team. Football is not about one or two or three star players.
get-well believe mind
Would you believe that I once entered a beauty contest? I must have been out of my mind. I not only came in last, I got 361 get-well cards.
girl thinking people
Isn't my fur stole pitiful? How unsuccessful can a girl look? People think I'm wearing anchovies. The worst of it is, I trapped these under my own sink.
self self-pity pity
self-pity is better than none.
giving sloth trials
Everybody knows how much time Fang spends in bed. A local store that gives a 30 days' trial on mattresses gives Fang only 15 days.
two age body
[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.