Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Ada Driver, better known as Phyllis Diller, was an American stand-up comedian, actress, singer, dancer, and voice artist, best known for her eccentric stage persona, her self-deprecating humor, her wild hair and clothes, and her exaggerated, cackling laugh...
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth17 July 1917
CityLima, OH
three comedy argument
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
wanted
I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.
doors house enemy
If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'
spring kids parent
Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.
thanksgiving turkeys stuff
It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
bad-breath breaths ifs
... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.
children humorous kids
We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .
inspirational football looks
I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
inspirational blow ill-will
It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
skills sloth laziness
I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, "You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed."
husband gun clerks
This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.
inspirational hair use
Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
sleep lines today
Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.
husband medicine sloth
Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, "A teaspoon before going to bed," and in one day he uses seven bottles.