Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Ada Driver, better known as Phyllis Diller, was an American stand-up comedian, actress, singer, dancer, and voice artist, best known for her eccentric stage persona, her self-deprecating humor, her wild hair and clothes, and her exaggerated, cackling laugh...
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth17 July 1917
CityLima, OH
matter guests not-ready
No matter what time your guests arrive, pretend they're early, so naturally you're not ready.
missing mouths lasts
I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.
jeans mercy ifs
If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
husband goldfish too-much
Your husband drinks too much if he says he never drinks alone, but considers the goldfish somebody.
ideas medieval facets
Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.
husband wife remodeling
Some wives have model husbands, I got one that needed remodeling.
feet aim-high aim
Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.
goes-on kind film
It's a certain kind of immortality, because those Disney films do go on and on and on.
hecklers timing precise
My timing is so precise a heckler would have to make an appointment just to get a word in.
night house wigs
My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
husband house cures
I met my husband when a friend sent him over to my house to cure my hiccoughs.
husband eye useless
My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
food three milk
I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
happiness smile laughter
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.