Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
firsts killing first-time
It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
changed i-havent-changed havens
I haven't changed at all. I'm the same as when I was 11.
dog cat eye
I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
funny humor thinking
I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
funny humor invisible-ink
How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
funny humor men
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
funny birthday humor
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
funny ocean humor
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
depression nice scare
You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
funny-life redneck way
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
phones ears mouths
Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
funny humor sometimes
Sometimes I... No, I don't.
funny life reading
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
funny humor batteries
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?