Tim Vine
Tim Vine
Timothy Mark "Tim" Vineis an English writer, actor, comedian and presenter, known for his quick-fire puns and his role on the BBC series Not Going Out until his departure in 2012. He has released a number of DVDs of his stand-up comedy and has written several joke books. In 2010 and 2014, Vine won the award for best joke at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. His winning jokes were: "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never...
NationalityBritish
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth4 March 1967
garden thinking people
People think that because of my act that I must have a really busy mind and I must be driven. I really am not. I quite like going outside and looking at spiders on a hedge in my garden and stuff.
wall teenager house
My house is a bit like a teenager's bedroom. The kind of pictures you have hanging up on your wall say a lot about you. I've got ones of Evel Knievel, Elvis and Starsky and Hutch, signed by David Soul.
acting bonus
I love acting, but it's all just a bonus.
funny humor eggs
Now did you know if a stick insect laid it's eggs in a jar of Bovril it will give birth to a litter of twiglets.
funny humor paper
This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."
funny humor doors
You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.
funny humor people
Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. Exit signs? They're on their way out.
funny humor paris
I saw this train driver and said, 'I wanna go to Paris.' He said, 'Eurostar?' I said, 'Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.' Mind you, at least the Eurostar's comfy. It's murder on the Orient Express isn't it?
funny believe humor
Believe it or not, there are twice as many eyebrows in the world as there are people.
funny humor giving
So I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, "Are you having me on?" I said, "Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything."