Tim Vine
Tim Vine
Timothy Mark "Tim" Vineis an English writer, actor, comedian and presenter, known for his quick-fire puns and his role on the BBC series Not Going Out until his departure in 2012. He has released a number of DVDs of his stand-up comedy and has written several joke books. In 2010 and 2014, Vine won the award for best joke at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. His winning jokes were: "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never...
NationalityBritish
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth4 March 1967
boss came driving happened managing policeman promoted rang second third time
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.'
flexible gym instructor teach
So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays".
dvds psychiatrist shrinks
My DVD cellophane was put on by a psychiatrist. It was shrink-wrapped.
dishes butlers
One-armed butlers, they can take it but they can't dish it out
ducks chinese red
So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.
metaphor simile knows
I went out on a date with Simile. I don't know what I metaphor.