Famous Quotes & Sayings

Maisie Williams

Sometimes people think they know you and they go, 'Hey!' and then they realize that they've just seen you on the television. That's kind of funny sometimes.

Jarome Iginla

That one wasn't so funny because he got hurt.

Barbara Kingsolver

He had senile dementia and liked to go outside naked, but he could still do two things perfectly: win at checkers and write out prescriptions.

Aziz Ansari

I'm in a situation with this girl that's as hopeless as overthrowing the Bush administration.

Benjamin Disraeli

No man is regular in his attendance at the House of Commons until he is married.

Kenneth Branagh

It's funny to be in rooms where you were originally referred to as 'The Shakespeare Guy' and to suddenly be in the position where you're 'The Blockbuster Guy.' That's a pretty unusual turnabout, I must say.

Benjamin Disraeli

When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken.

Calvin Coolidge

I have never been hurt by what I have not said.

Celine Dion

To have your niece die in your arms is the greatest gift from god.

Catherine O'Hara

I know. I'm lazy. But I made myself a New Years resolution that I would write myself something really special. Which means I have 'til December, right?

Carson McCullers

Next to music beer was best.

Carol Burnett

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

Al Gore

I didn't realize I was in a Buddhist temple.

Kathryn Prescott

I don't have a type looks-wise, but all my exes have been funny, open-minded and ambitious. I can't stand men with no passion in life.

Karen Abbott

I think the most important thing journalism taught me is to mine for details. The details are key. You can't try to be funny or strange or poignant; you have to let the details be funny or strange or poignant for you.

Jane Wyman

Ask him what time it is and he'll tell you how the watch was made.

Arthur Balfour

He has only half learned the art of reading who has not added to it the more refined art of skipping and skimming.

Arturo Toscanini

After I die, I shall return to earth as a gatekeeper of a bordello and I won't let any of you enter.

Demi Lovato

I love having a boyfriend but need to be secure on my own first.

Demetri Martin

There's a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I like that name, 'Futon World.' Makes me think of a magical place that gets less and less comfortable over time.

Demetri Martin

I love women, but I feel like you can't trust some of them. Some of them are liars, you know? Like I was in the park and I met this girl, she was cute and she had a dog. And I went up to her, we started talking. She told me her dog's name. Then I said, 'Does he bite?' She said, 'No.' And I said, 'Oh yeah? Then how does he eat?' Liar.

Demetri Martin

Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest.

Demetri Martin

Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.

Demetri Martin

I saw a transvestite wearing a T-shirt that said 'Guess'.

Demetri Martin

Canoe + waterfall = I don't go camping anymore.

Demetri Martin

My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but... what a dork.

Demetri Martin

Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.

Demetri Martin

I was in my friends garage, and he had; a kite, a yo-yo, and a boomerang. I was like "Dude, you have abandonment issues"

Demetri Martin

I was watching MTV and there were girls dancing in suspended cages. That would be an ambivalent situation: "I'm trapped! ...but enjoying the music".

Demetri Martin

I bought a dictionary. First thing I did was, I looked up the word "dictionary", and it said "you're an asshole".

Demetri Martin

I was stuck in traffic and I looked in the mirror and in the car behind me there was a couple having a horrible argument and right below their image it said "Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear". I just thought, man I hope so because she was pretty mad.

Demetri Martin

I like video games, but they're really violent. I'd like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games. It'd be called 'Really Busy Hospital.

Demetri Martin

Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store i just flip to the about the author section. I'm like, "Done, next!"