Famous Quotes & Sayings

Bette Davis

An affair now and then is good for a marriage. It adds spice, stops it from getting boring... I ought to know.

Bette Davis

I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.

Berkeley Breathed

It's never too late to have a happy childhood.

Ashton Kutcher

I'll watch a Keanu Reeves movie and I'll go, 'Wow, he's really not a very good actor!'

Bill Vaughan

By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.

Bill Vaughan

Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man's lifetime income - which he then spends sending his son to college.

Bill Vaughan

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.

Bill Vaughan

Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.

Bill Burr

What would you rather be? 52 and look 52, or 52 and look like a 28-year-old lizard?

Bill Hicks

I'm a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day.

Bill Hicks

I loved when Bush came out and said, 'We are losing the war against drugs.' You know what that implies? There's a war being fought, and the people on drugs are winning it.

Bill Hicks

Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don't want any gay people hanging around me while I'm killing kids. I just don't want to see it.

Bill Hicks

I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage.

Bill Hicks

We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.

Bill Hicks

If you're so pro-life, do me a favour: don't lock arms and block medical clinics. If you're so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries.

Bill Hicks

Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children.

Bill Hicks

Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Heres Tom with the Weather.

Michael Lewis

The A's are held to the standard of the Yankees in a funny kind of way. That if they don't win the World Series it is regarded as a failure.

Russell Banks

That was the funny part of the reading.

That would be kind of funny. I guess it would be kind of an honor, too. But at the same time, you hear guys saying, 'I want that long-term deal,' because of the security.

Seal

I mean, I'm married first of all to one of, if not the most wonderful women in the world. She is everything - funny, attractive, hard-working, she has integrity, she loves me to bits.

Sarah Silverman

If you are truly offended by an 80-year-old man saying you're not funny, then you're probably not funny.

Olivia Munn

It is possible in this world to be pretty and funny and successful all at the same time.

Pierce Brosnan

There are a lot of funny things that happen in one's life.

Reba McEntire

Being sexy is kind of funny to me. You know, I can get kind of spunky or I can get tough, you know, that kind of tough, sexy look. But sexy? No, I don't think so.

Rickie Fowler

All you can do is really the prep work and make sure you're ready to hit each golf shot. Outside of that, you're not sure really what's going to happen. It's a funny game, but I think that's why I love it. You never know, one day to the next; you could go shoot 62, and the next day you're going to shoot 78, and you can't predict it.

Richard Marx

It's funny; Luther and I have written many songs together, but we've never written songs in the same room.

Regina King

It's funny that until I actually met my husband, I never thought I'd get married.

Robert Frost

By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.

Harvey Mackay

Time is free, but it's priceless. You can'town it, but you can use it. You can't keepit, but you can spend it. Once you've lost ityou can never get it back.

You amaze me. You're 229 years old and that's what you think is funny.

Andy Cole

We wanted to make it funny. We've had success because we have a good time with it.

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.