Quotes about funny
funny life humor
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. Woody Allen
funny birthday witty
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
funny confidence witty
Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.
funny suicide humor
He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.
funny long eternity
Eternity is really long, especially near the end.
funny laughter ideas
The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind -- a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.
funny hilarious humor
Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
funny humor suicidal
I was in analysis. I was suicidal. As a matter of fact, I would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss.
funny dream humorous
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?
funny sexy humorous
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
funny humor littles
What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause!
funny witty dark
I'm afraid of the dark,and suspicious of the light.
funny life mushrooms
Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad.
funny humor night
My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
funny book dirty
I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in braille. I used to rub the dirty parts.
funny humor eye
As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions.
funny life witty
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
funny humor science
How does gravity work? And if it were to cease suddenly, would certain restaurants still require a jacket?
funny moving piano
Figures tell us there are already more people on earth than we need to move even the heaviest piano.
funny teacher witty
My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.
funny children humor
I was a nervous child, I was a bedwetter. I used to sleep with an electric blanket and I was constantly electrocuting myself.
funny humor jersey
The curtain rises on a vast primitive wasteland, not unlike certain parts of New jersey.
funny desire return
I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's.
funny thinking two
I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you take two negative points?
funny silly needs
You need to be silly to be funny. William Shatner
funny stupid giving
Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave badly around women. And I hope I never get into that. William J. Clinton
funny witty wife
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
funny dog fire
Sometimes I feel like a fire hydrant looking at a pack of dogs.
funny humor want
If you want to live like a Republican, vote like a Democrat.
funny thinking four
I have only been funny about seventy four per cent of the time. Yes I think that is right. Seventy-four per cent of the time. Will Ferrell
funny humor holocaust
I have a ton of Holocaust stuff, and some of it is really hard core. Sarah Silverman
funny humor
I'm Jewish, but I'm totally not.
funny space molecules
And we're just all made of molecules and we're hurtling through space right now.