Famous Quotes & Sayings

Rodney Dangerfield

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

Rodney Dangerfield

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

Rodney Dangerfield

I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.

Rodney Dangerfield

I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

Rodney Dangerfield

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Robertson Davies

She has been kissed as often as a police-court Bible, and by much the same class of people.

Robertson Davies

Every man is wise when attacked by a mad dog; fewer when pursued by a mad woman; only the wisest survive when attacked by a mad notion.

Robertson Davies

The dog is a yes-animal. Very popular with people who can't afford a yes man.

Robert Staughton Lynd

Friendship will not stand the strain of very much good advice for very long.

More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.

Do your kids a favor - don't have any.

There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.

Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

Robert Pattinson

I have been called Taylor Lautner a few time which I'm quite happy about. You only have to look at us to see how funny that is but it's nice to pretend I might be hiding a Taylor six-pack under my shirt.

Robert Pattinson

Obviously, the best dressed awards is very relevant, I'm best dressed at all times.(smiles)

Robert Pattinson

I had to do two roles in two days, I'm in a hairflux.

Robert Pattinson

Xavier would be such a great burger. He's all covered in spread...

Robert Pattinson

The person who proclaimed me Best Dressed Man never saw me in my sport outfit.

Robert Pattinson

There was one rumor that I saw in a magazine saying I was pregnant. I thought that was brilliant and it still crops up now. But it's definitely not true. I can promise you that.

Robert Pattinson

I wonder if vampire's eyebrows can grow back.

Robert Pattinson

I'm really scary in reality. Most of the time.

Robert Pattinson

I would have taught her a les­son she wouldn't forget!

Robert Pattinson

Peter also uses his wig as a cereal bowl... He'll some times have some, like, Top Ramen in it.

Robert Pattinson

So I know where my feet are.

Robert Pattinson

Looking scary with a baseball outfit on and a little bouffant, you know, it just does not work. Especially with sculpted eyebrows.

Robert Pattinson

This is quite difficult 'cause I have a really flat head, and so it's quite difficult to get a correct angle. And you can't go up from down below as well, 'cause I've got, like, rock solid gelled hair. And so, like, it was odd. I don't know, sometimes I feel like my head is being, like, turned inside out. Like that episode of Ren & Stimpy when he's inside his own belly button. I don't know.

Robert Pattinson

Peter [Facinelli] would be so good at doing that. I want him to do the Beyoncé biopic.

Robert Pattinson

In this scene, I'm talking about how much I don't like cookies.... I'm sayin', 'Listen, guys. Have you read the book? We're not supposed to be eating.'

Robert Pattinson

People would be in hysterics if they saw that. It's like, wow, he's a superhuman moron.... So he wears lipstick, has a little bouffant, and does little circus acts as well. Oh, he's so sexy.

Robert Pattinson

Girls, you know it's all just a game to them, relationships. Just go around stomping on everyone.... I mean, look at this poor guy in the background with his collar up. You know he's just gonna get ruined by women.

Robert Pattinson

Now listen, guuuyyysss! Come on guys. Let's all, come on, let's be simple about this.