Famous Quotes & Sayings

A. A. Milne

A pekingeese is not a pet dog; he is an undersized lion.

A. A. Milne

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

Janeane Garofalo

I don't really have funny things to say about politics. I wish I did, but I don't.

Aeschylus

It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.

Agatha Christie

Every murderer is probably somebody's old friend.

Agatha Christie

No, my friend, I am not drunk. I have just been to the dentist, and need not return for another six months! Is it not the most beautiful thought? --Poirot

Addison Mizner

Ignorance of the law excuses no man from practicing it.

Adam Smith

Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.

Adam Lambert

'Come out' is so funny to me because I've never been in.

Abraham Lincoln

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

Abraham Lincoln

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

Ethan Hawke

We live in a funny time. If you don't go corporate, you can't compete. You're relegated as irrelevant. People used to admire that.

Samuel Goldwyn

Don't pay any attention to the critics - don't even ignore them.

Samuel Butler

If life must not be taken too seriously, then so neither must death.

Samuel Butler

A lawyer's dream of heaven: every man reclaimed his property at the resurrection, and each tried to recover it from all his forefathers.

Samuel Butler

Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.

Samuel Butler

Those who have never had a father can at any rate never know the sweets of losing one. To most men the death of his father is a new lease of life.

Samuel Butler

A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg.

Samuel Butler

An apology for the devil: it must be remembered that we have heard one side of the case. God has written all the books.

Samuel Butler

Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them.

Samuel Butler

There is nothing which at once affects a man so much and so little as his own death.

Samuel Butler

A man's friendships are, like his will, invalidated by marriage - but they are also no less invalidated by the marriage of his friends.

Eric Roberts

Sylvester Stallone is very funny and he's a great guy to hang out with.

Freddie Prinze

But the only comparison that I want to Lenny Bruce is that I'm funny. I'm Freddie Prinze, Puerto Rican all the way.

Fred Tomaselli

A lot of people don't think of my work as being all that funny, but I think it's hilarious!

Luke Benward

I really like 'Passion of the Christ.' I like that movie. I also like 'We Were Soldiers,' and 'Braveheart.' And 'Napoleon Dynamite' - that movie was funny.

Jeff Foxworthy

If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.

Larry Dixon

I never thought I'd live this long. It sounds funny because I still think of myself as a kid.

Jerry Seinfeld

I don't need you to be funny. I don't want to be entertained.

Gilbert K. Chesterton

The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.

Trips were always a blast; he was just a funny guy.

Scott Hamilton

You know, it's funny ... skating has always given me life,

Heather Graham

The funny thing is, I look at these magazines that make me so insecure and neurotic, but I'm in them!