Famous Quotes & Sayings

Dave Barry

Never trust anything you read in a travel article.

Charles Dickens

For your popular rumour, unlike the rolling stone of the proverb, is one which gathers a deal of moss in its wanderings up and down.

Charles Dickens

"She's a very charming and delightful creature," quoth Mr. Robert Sawyer, in reply; "and has only one fault that I know of, Ben. It happens, unfortunately, that that single blemish is a want of taste. She don't like me."

Charles Dickens

Dombey and Son had often dealt in hides, but never in hearts. They left that fancy ware to boys and girls, and boarding-schools and books. Mr. Dombey would have reasoned: That a matrimonial alliance with himself must, in the nature of things, be gratifying and honourable to any woman of common sense. That the hope of giving birth to a new partner in such a house, could not fail to awaken a glorious and stirring ambition in the breast of the least ambitious of her sex.

Charles Dickens

... As to sleep, you know, I never sleep now. I might be a Watchman, except that I don't get any pay, and he's got nothing on his mind.

We're in a funny space. Too much good news is not good news because the market worries about the Fed.

Bob Hope

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

Erma Bombeck

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.

Daniel Tosh

How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.

David Ogilvy

The consumer isn't a moron; she is your wife.

Angelina Jolie

I am odd-looking. I sometimes think I look like a funny Muppet.

Andy Kindler

George Lopez is always on the verge of hilarity. If he could ever think of something funny to say, if he had a funny thought in his mind, he's ready to go.

Jerry Seinfeld

Funny is the world I live in. You're funny, I'm interested. You're not funny, I'm not interested.

Dan Quayle

Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here.

Dan Quayle

We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world.

Dan Quayle

My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will, never, never surrender to what is right.

Dan Quayle

If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.

Conan O'Brien

The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts.

E. W. Howe

If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers.