Bill Bailey
Bill Bailey
Mark Robert "Bill" Baileyis an English comedian, musician, actor, TV and radio presenter and author. Bailey is well known for his role in Black Books and for his appearances on Never Mind the Buzzcocks, Have I Got News for You, and QI as well as his extensive stand-up work...
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth13 January 1965
CityBath, England
funny hurt humor
I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you've got to admire the workmanship.
animal beard stills
It's not a beard, it's an animal I've trained to sit very still
funny alive comedy
The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die.
funny self rocks
American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
animal fruit stealing
Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
running kings law
The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don't have these.
littles gigs television
Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you're just doing the odd appearance, you don't know if it will carry on.
funny humor law
Of course, uh, the universe is gradually slowing down and, uh, will eventually collapse inwardly on itself, according to the laws of entropy when all it's thermal and mechanical functions fail, thus rendering all human endeavors ultimately pointless. Just to put the gig in some sort of context.
funny humor light
How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! ...no eight!
funny humor people
People say 'Bill, are you an optimist?' And I say, 'I hope so.'
funny humor talking
Talking of white supremacist violent types, I was in America, recently...
funny humor outlook-on-life
It's the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life...
funny queens humor
"God save our gracious Queen": Why would we invoke a non-specific deity to bail out these unelected spongers?
funny country humor
But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like "Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!"