Bill Bailey
Bill Bailey
Mark Robert "Bill" Baileyis an English comedian, musician, actor, TV and radio presenter and author. Bailey is well known for his role in Black Books and for his appearances on Never Mind the Buzzcocks, Have I Got News for You, and QI as well as his extensive stand-up work...
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth13 January 1965
CityBath, England
animal fruit stealing
Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
fashion marijuana clubs
Marijuana? It's harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it
stupid commitment numbers
Joke number 1, I have a bit of a problem with jokes, bit of a handicap for a comedian obviously, um, I tend to bail out of the joke, I lose commitment in it, I'll give you an example: Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
long beard harps
What I'd like to do now - well, what I'd like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.
funny humor three
Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are all unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.
animal beard stills
It's not a beard, it's an animal I've trained to sit very still
funny alive comedy
The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die.
funny self rocks
American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
funny believe humor
Relaxed Empiricism -- I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
pigs lucky concrete
I'm quite lucky, because I've got a small, decorative concrete pig.
orange laughing towns
Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it.
knowing contentment
Contentment is knowing you're right
funny stupid humor
(Imitating a Belarus citizen commenting on their national flag) Stupid National Anthem....Look at this flag; Two bears fighting over a pineapple. What kind of message does that send to the world? Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
funny hurt humor
I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you've got to admire the workmanship.