Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin
Demetri Evan Martinis an American comedian, actor, artist, musician, writer, and humorist. He is best known for his work as a stand-up comedian, being a contributor on The Daily Show, and his Comedy Central show Important Things with Demetri Martin...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth25 May 1973
CityNew York City, NY
CountryUnited States of America
funny humor laughing
Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest.
girl laughing done
I've often liked a girl, made her laugh, and thought she liked me, and then found out that she didn't like me that way. I've definitely done time in the friend zone.
night lasts stories
When telling a story about how wasted you were last night, stop.
multiple-choice choices tests
When I am given a multiple choice test I choose not to take it.
horse college men
There is also a beast, a beast of strange dimensions. He has the head of a horse and the body of a man who needs a lot of attention. He represents me in college: I was a dork-ataur.
sexy scotch tape
If you want to feel less sexy put scotch tape on your nipples.
jesus people example
I like when people wear a WWJD bracelet, because it's like an example of the first thing Jesus wouldn't do, probably.
night amputees twister
The other night I was playing twister with some amputees.
fire giving arms
If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give something to panic and wave you arms around and scream about.
queens kings men
Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.
average scream ends
If you stretched the average person's intestines out from end to end, it would make them scream a lot.
men parades traffic
Parades are man's attempt to make traffic exciting.
looks slow-motion eating
A lot of things look cooler in slow motion. Eating isn't one of them.
grateful average hendrix
I know about Woodstock probably as much as your average person who is over 30, where I'd know Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Grateful Dead.