Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Ada Driver, better known as Phyllis Diller, was an American stand-up comedian, actress, singer, dancer, and voice artist, best known for her eccentric stage persona, her self-deprecating humor, her wild hair and clothes, and her exaggerated, cackling laugh...
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth17 July 1917
CityLima, OH
Phyllis Diller quotes about
cleaning growing house kids sidewalk stops
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing
phases tables dinner
I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
parent married enough
Before you get married you should meet your fiance's parents. It is not enough that you like his parole officer.
measurement records phonograph
They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!
humility humble mirrors
You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
dinner taste tvs
I don't like to cook. I can make a TV dinner taste like radio.
compliments-you shoes barefoot
You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
bad-breath breaths ifs
... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.
humor wrinkles enough
If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.
humor adjusting way
Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.
grandchildren birth-control want
I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.
sloth pills laziness
Once Fang took pep pills and they worked - the only time he ever ran to bed.
lakes placid happenings
Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
offending about-yourself
You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.