Famous Quotes & Sayings

Bette Davis

An affair now and then is good for a marriage. It adds spice, stops it from getting boring... I ought to know.

Bill Hicks

Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don't want any gay people hanging around me while I'm killing kids. I just don't want to see it.

George Herbert

It is good to have friends both in Heaven and Hell.

Jayne Meadows

I never say a funny thing intentionally.

Jay London

My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings

Jay Leno

You know what they say when a supermodel gets pregnant? Now she's eating for one.

Chris Rock

Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies ... a man lie is, "I was at Kevin's house!" A woman lie is like, "It's your baby!"

Chris Rock

I ain't shooting nobody, so call me a faggot. When the war's over, I'll be the faggot with two legs.

Chris Rock

If you wanna get away with murder, all you gotta do is shoot somebody in the head and put a demo tape in their pocket! "This is a rap killing. Let's go home!"

Chris Rock

Farrakhan got everybody together for the Million Man March and everything. But Farrakhan don't like the Jews. Which is bugged. I get my hair cut on Dekalb Avenue. I never been in a barbershop and heard a bunch of brothers talking about Jews. Black people don't hate Jews. Black people hate white people! We don't got time to dice white people up into little groups. I hate everybody! I don't care if you just got here. "Hey, I'm Romanian." "You Romanian cracker!"

Chris Rock

You'd got a baseball game, or a football game, basketball game, "USA! USA! USA!" Hey, calm down! Got a little German on it, don't you think?

Chris Rock

I was at Michael Jackson's house, and this kid runs out, 'Wait, save me!'

Chris Rock

Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.

Chris Rock

Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy.

Chris Rock

Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!

Chris Rock

Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special.

Chris Rock

I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

Chris Rock

Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know?

Henry David Thoreau

Even Nature is observed to have her playful moods or aspects, of which man sometimes seems to be the sport.

Groucho Marx

John you say you met in an elevator. Was the elevator going up at the time, or down? This is very important, for going down in an elevator one always has that sinking feeling and for all I know you may have this confused with love. If you were going up, it is clearly a case of love at first sight...

Groucho Marx

Don't be silly. I'll write you twice a week.

Groucho Marx

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

Groucho Marx

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Groucho Marx

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

Groucho Marx

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

Groucho Marx

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

Groucho Marx

I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

Groucho Marx

The only real laughter comes from despair.

Groucho Marx

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

Groucho Marx

This isn't a particularly novel observation, but the world is full of people who think they can manipulate the lives of others merely by getting a law passed.

Jim Davis

When all else fails, look cute.

Glen Hansard

You know, albums are a funny thing. They're not like an intellectual decision. It's a collection of your kind of musings. Like it's a collection of your diary entries and you pick which one's gonna make the most sense together and you put out a record and you sort of live it.

Frank Zappa

Most rock journalism is people who can't write, interviewing people who can't talk, for people who can't read.