Famous Quotes & Sayings

Leona Helmsley

Money enhances a man, yes, as beauty enhances a woman.

Joseph Heller

I had examined myself pretty thoroughly and discovered that I was unfit for military service.

Joseph Heller

When you consider the opportunity and power He had to really do a job, and then look at the stupid, ugly little mess He made of it instead, His sheer incompetence is almost staggering.

Karl Pilkington

We're gonna get weaker. That's already happened. They used to say, you know, an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Now they're saying eat five fruits. That's evidence. You can't argue with that.

Karl Pilkington

What happens if someone else has my eyes, and they start looking at stuff I don't like? I don't like the idea of that.

Karl Pilkington

[Jellyfish] are 97% water or something, so how much are they doing? Just give them another 3% and make them water. It's more useful.

Karl Pilkington

I know when I was a kid I ate a beetle. I ate a beetle because I thought it was licorice.

Karl Pilkington

I came up with a good idea....see-through skin.

Karl Pilkington

At some point, some insect has had sex with a leaf.

Karl Pilkington

With identical twins, you always get a little snidey one.

Karl Pilkington

I don't know why small chocolates are called fun-sized; I mean, if I called a midget fun-sized, they'd kick off.

Karl Pilkington

It's just hassle of having friends and family an' that.

Karl Pilkington

As long as you're remembering baby Jesus, does it matter when you're remembering him. That's what I'm saying about Christmas, I might not be in the mood for it December 25th.

Karl Pilkington

Avocados, it's a food that ain't worth injuring yourself for. If it's a hassle to get into, leave it to the experts.

Karl Pilkington

Classes teaching you how to breathe. I'm 32, I think I've got the hang of it.

Karl Pilkington

I find that if you just talk, your mouth comes up with stuff.

Karl Popper

Science may be described as the art of systematic over-simplification.

Karen Horney

The perfect normal person is rare in our civilization.

Justin Bieber

Cheryl Cole and Katy Perry are two of the hottest girls in the world - and so normal and funny with it. If I was a few years older they are the kind of girls I'd like to date. I want a younger version of Cheryl and Katy - a mixture of the two would be hot.

Julianna Margulies

Small gestures can have a big impact.

Jules Renard

I finally know what distinguishes man from the other beasts: financial worries.

Josh Billings

Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go.

Josh Billings

I haven't got as much money as some folks, but I've got as much impudence as any of them, and that's the next thing to money.

Josh Billings

It's not only the most difficult thing to know one's self, but the most inconvenient.

Josh Billings

Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.

Josh Billings

Life is short, but it's long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.

Josh Billings

You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

Josh Billings

Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn't be any fun living in it, or profit.

Josh Billings

There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.

Josh Billings

If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it, as the old woman did her lost spectacles, safe on her own nose all the time.

Josh Billings

As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.

Josh Billings

Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful uneasy to take.

Karl Lagerfeld

I never smoked. I never drank and I never took drugs. The funny thing is, nothing is more boring, people like this. For me, it's OK. But most of my friends, at least they smoke and drink.