Famous Quotes & Sayings

Garth Brooks

If she were a president, she'd be Baberham Lincoln.

Gail Sheehy

When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking.

Frank Sinatra

I'm for whatever gets you through the night

Flannery O'Connor

The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.

Fiona Apple

You know, I've always thought that it would be really funny if somebody made a romantic comedy where absolutely everything went well from beginning to end.

Henry Miller

Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation... The other eight are unimportant.

Henny Youngman

My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.

Henny Youngman

A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living."

Henny Youngman

I asked a Jewish man, "Do you know where Michigan Avenue is?" He said, "Yes", and walked away.

Henny Youngman

A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?" "No" says the cop. "What about all these other cars?" "They didn't ask!"

Henny Youngman

During the war an Italian girl saved my life. She hid me in her basement in Cleveland.

Henny Youngman

A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!

Henny Youngman

His motto is "Love Thy Neighbor". His neighbor is an 18 year old hooker.

Henny Youngman

She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, "Tut, Tut!"

Henny Youngman

He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.

Henny Youngman

Now, the band that inspired that great saying, "Stop The Music!!"

Henny Youngman

This man dresses like an unmade bed.

Henny Youngman

Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?

Henny Youngman

Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?

Henny Youngman

The more I think of you, the less I think of you.

Henny Youngman

2 Jewish women in New York. One says, "Do you see what's going on in Poland?" The other says, "I live in the back, I don't see anything."

Henny Youngman

I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.

Henny Youngman

In a blackout, a Polish man was stuck on an escalator for two hours. I asked him, "Why didn't you walk down?" He said, "because I was going up!"

Henny Youngman

My wife loves to shop at Bloomingdale's. I bring her mail there twice a week.

Henny Youngman

I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?

Henny Youngman

A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife." "So you're single!"

Henny Youngman

A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.

Henny Youngman

A Polish man in a helicopter. Goes up to 800 feet. Down it comes! What happened? "It got chilly up there, so I turned off the fan!"

Henny Youngman

Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.

Henny Youngman

How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O

Henny Youngman

A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.

Henny Youngman

Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.

Henny Youngman

A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!