Quotes by 'Bob Monkhouse'

Bob Monkhouse

Robert Alan "Bob" Monkhouse, OBE was an English entertainer...

real home clubs

I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret.

dad sleep passengers

I'd like to die like my old dad, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming like his passengers.

people sunglasses questions-and-answers

If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

funny humor flames

A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.

funny radio comedy

I got my start in silent radio.

funny-marriage pay investment

Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.

girl real real-happiness

Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love and find out later she has money

father funny-dad volvo

My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.

archer paper toilets

The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.

funny humor homeless

Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?

funny-retirement age retiring

What do gardeners do when they retire?

mom mother baby

My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.

funny humor laughing

They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.

laughing comedian wanted

I told them I wanted to be a comedian, and they laughed; I became a comedian, no one's laughing now