Quotes by 'Bob Monkhouse'

Bob Monkhouse

Robert Alan "Bob" Monkhouse, OBE was an English entertainer...

wife funny-marriage house

I'd never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much.

funny humor flames

A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.

funny radio comedy

I got my start in silent radio.

funny-marriage pay investment

Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.

father funny-dad volvo

My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.

funny humor homeless

Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?

funny-retirement age retiring

What do gardeners do when they retire?

funny humor laughing

They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.

wife funny-marriage use

I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.

horse funny-relationship wife

I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap.

funny sex humor

I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard.

real home clubs

I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret.

dad sleep passengers

I'd like to die like my old dad, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming like his passengers.

people sunglasses questions-and-answers

If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?