Bob Monkhouse
Bob Monkhouse
Robert Alan "Bob" Monkhouse, OBE was an English entertainer...
NationalityEnglish
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth1 June 1928
Bob Monkhouse quotes about
funny humor college
Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note!
funny humor cat
A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded: 'Take me to the canaries'.
funny humor flames
A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.
funny humor homeless
Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?
funny humor wife
My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.
funny humor laughing
They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.
funny sex humor
I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard.
funny-love mother weekend
My wife said, 'Can my mother come down for the weekend?' So I said, 'Why?' And she said, 'Well, she's been up on the roof two weeks already.'
wife funny-marriage house
I'd never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much.
real home clubs
I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret.
dad sleep passengers
I'd like to die like my old dad, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming like his passengers.
thinking saws phrases
I saw a specialist who asked me 'Are you familiar with the phrase faecal impaction?'. I said I think I saw that one with Glenn Close and Michael Douglas.
people sunglasses questions-and-answers
If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
sex years wife
With my wife it was sex, sex, sex...Yes, three times in 35 years.