Bob Monkhouse
Bob Monkhouse
Robert Alan "Bob" Monkhouse, OBE was an English entertainer...
NationalityEnglish
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth1 June 1928
Bob Monkhouse quotes about
father icicles drink
My father was ruined by hard drink - he sat on an icicle.
funny-love mother weekend
My wife said, 'Can my mother come down for the weekend?' So I said, 'Why?' And she said, 'Well, she's been up on the roof two weeks already.'
wife funny-marriage house
I'd never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much.
real home clubs
I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret.
funny humor guarantees-that
I'm rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I've regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
dad sleep passengers
I'd like to die like my old dad, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming like his passengers.
thinking saws phrases
I saw a specialist who asked me 'Are you familiar with the phrase faecal impaction?'. I said I think I saw that one with Glenn Close and Michael Douglas.
creative done want
I'll never stop working. I want to die in the saddle. A day is wasted for me if I haven't done something even mildly creative.
people sunglasses questions-and-answers
If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
sex distance enjoy
I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75, so it's no distance.
sex years wife
With my wife it was sex, sex, sex...Yes, three times in 35 years.
age today degrees
It got up to 94 degrees today – that's pretty good at my age.
golf boss spots
You can always spot the employee playing golf with his boss. He's the fellow who makes a hole in one and says, "oops!"
funny humor college
Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note!