Quotes by 'Bob Monkhouse'

Bob Monkhouse

Robert Alan "Bob" Monkhouse, OBE was an English entertainer...

funny-love mother weekend

My wife said, 'Can my mother come down for the weekend?' So I said, 'Why?' And she said, 'Well, she's been up on the roof two weeks already.'

wife funny-marriage house

I'd never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much.

real home clubs

I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret.

dad sleep passengers

I'd like to die like my old dad, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming like his passengers.

people sunglasses questions-and-answers

If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

sex years wife

With my wife it was sex, sex, sex...Yes, three times in 35 years.

age today degrees

It got up to 94 degrees today – that's pretty good at my age.

funny humor college

Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note!

funny humor cat

A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded: 'Take me to the canaries'.

funny humor flames

A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.

funny radio comedy

I got my start in silent radio.

home son drug

I came home and found that my son was taking drugs - my very best ones too!

funny-marriage pay investment

Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.

girl real real-happiness

Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love and find out later she has money