Bob Monkhouse
Bob Monkhouse
Robert Alan "Bob" Monkhouse, OBE was an English entertainer...
NationalityEnglish
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth1 June 1928
mom mother baby
My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.
dad sleep passengers
I'd like to die like my old dad, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming like his passengers.
people sunglasses questions-and-answers
If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
funny-marriage pay investment
Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.
growing-up compulsory optional
Growing old is compulsory - growing up is optional.
funny-life bad-day intelligent
Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?
funny sex humor
I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard.
horse funny-relationship wife
I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap.
silence golden silence-is
Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.
funny humor wife
My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.
wife funny-marriage use
I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.
funny-retirement age retiring
What do gardeners do when they retire?
funny humor homeless
Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?
father funny-dad volvo
My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.