Famous Quotes & Sayings

Larry Wall

Obviously I was either onto something, or on something.

Keanu Reeves

I mean, I went to a Catholic boys' school for a year, but that was to play hockey. Religion class was quite contentious for me.

Kristen Schaal

As you can see, I speak many languages, including the language of sex.

Kristen Schaal

You know, quite a few species of fish require two or more sexual partners...

Kristen Stewart

It's a funny thing: You want so badly for people to see what you do - you're proud of it - and I like the effect that movies have on people. But the attention can also make me uncomfortable.

Oscar Levant

Schizophrenia beats dining alone.

Oscar Levant

I'm going to memorize your name and throw my head away.

Margaret Thatcher

It's a funny old world.

Margaret Thatcher

There are some remarkable parallels between basketball and politics. Michael Jordan has already mastered the skill most needed for political success: how to stay aloft without visible means of support.

Margaret Thatcher

Of course it's the same old story. Truth usually is the same old story.

Margaret Cho

My parents are very funny when they have to deal with anything racy or off-color. They usually pretend they don't speak English.

Margaret Cho

I can never tell when something is funny. I just have to do it onstage and find out.

Margaret Cho

I taught Sunday School for two years. And I got fired. I abused my authority. I used to teach class like this, "OK, if one more person talks, everybody is going to Hell."

Mark Twain

Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

Mark Twain

He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was three; I attended their funerals.

Mark Twain

The way it is now, the asylums can hold the sane people, but if we tried to shut up the insane we should run out of building materials.

Ashleigh Brilliant

I don't understand you. You don't understand me. What else do we have in common?

Mel Gibson

After about 20 years of marriage, I'm finally starting to scratch the surface of what women want. And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate.

Mel Brooks

Coleman Jacoby and Arnie Rosen won an Emmy and Mel Brooks didn't! Niezsche was right! There is no God! There is no God!

Mel Brooks

Look, I don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive you've got to flap your arms and legs, you've got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you're not alive.

Mel Brooks

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

Mel Brooks

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

God is at home, it's we who have gone out for a walk.

Mary Daly

I had explained that a woman's asking for equality in the church would be comparable to a black person's demanding equality in the Ku Klux Klan

Marty Feldman

I won't eat anything that has intelligent life, but I'd gladly eat a network executive or a politician.

Martina Navratilova

Whoever said, 'It's not whether you win or lose that counts,' probably lost.

Pietro Aretino

If you want to annoy your neighbors, tell the truth about them.

History repeats itself. Historians repeat each other.

Rachel Caine

Damn, Claire. Warn a guy before you do a face-plant on the floor next time. I could have looked all heroic and caught you or something -Shane

Pete Dye

The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top.

Peter Shaffer

All my wife has ever taken from the Mediterranean - from that whole vast intuitive culture - are four bottles of Chianti to make into lamps, and two china condiment donkeys labelled Sally and Peppy.

Quentin Crisp

An autobiography is an obituary in serial form with the last installment missing.

Quentin Crisp

The trouble with children is that they're not returnable.