Famous Quotes & Sayings

Sarah Silverman

I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing.

Sarah Silverman

Strippers should be role-models for little girls. If only for the fact that they wax their assholes.

Sarah Silverman

I gave him a compliment! All right, I told him he probably would've made, like, a really expensive slave in the, like, in the olden-timey days.

Sarah Silverman

Jesus is magic, because he turned water into wine. I think he made the statue of liberty disappear in the 80s or something.

Sarah Silverman

I don't set out to offend or shock, but I also don't do anything to avoid it.

Sarah Silverman

I don't wanna be labeled as straight or labeled as gay. I just want people to look at me and see me as white.

Sarah Silverman

Guess what, Martin Luther King? I had a dream, too.

Sarah Silverman

She, uh, came out of the closet recently, my niece. Um... She announced to the family that she's a lesbian and... She's seven, did I mention that? And, uh, I don't even know if she knows what a lesbian is, but I support her completely. And, uh... I'll tell you what's heartbreaking. My sister punished her for it. Can you believe that? No pussy for a week. Which to us may not sound like... But when you're seven, you know, a week is a long time.

Sarah Silverman

I'm Jewish, but I'm totally not.

Sarah Silverman

I commend you on all you've done for PETA, wrestling the one-eyed trouser snake with your bare hands, gently cuddling it in your arms, and nurturing it back to health.

Sarah Silverman

And we're just all made of molecules and we're hurtling through space right now.

Sarah Silverman

When God gives you AIDS - and God does give you AIDS, by the way - make lemonAIDS.

Sarah Silverman

Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few people who believes it was the blacks.

Sarah Silverman

Since so many people these days don't seem to start their families until around age forty, I predict there will be less child beating, but more slipped disks from lifting babies out of cribs. Even the father of advanced age who's not inclined to spare the rod is likely to suffer more than his victim: The first punch he throws might well be the last straw for his rotator cuff, reducing his disciplinary options to mere verbal abuse and napping.

Sara Gilbert

Fast pitch softball is just as dangerous as baseball. The ball is bigger so you can see it better, but the size also makes for a bigger space to move out of its way.

Sara Blakely

The word 'Spanx' was funny. It made people laugh. No one ever forgot it.

Sara Blakely

I didn't want women to walk out of the dressing rooms feeling depressed and wanting a cocktail.

Samuel Rogers

It doesn't much signify whom one marries, for one is sure to find next morning that it was someone else.

Samuel Beckett

Dublin university contains the cream of Ireland: Rich and thick.

Samuel Goldwyn

I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their job.

Samuel Goldwyn

Give me a couple of years, and I'll make that actress an overnight success.

Samuel Goldwyn

Don't worry about the war. It's all over but the shooting.

Samuel Goldwyn

Any man who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.

Samuel Goldwyn

For your information, I would like to ask a question.

Samuel Goldwyn

A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.

Samuel Goldwyn

Let's have some new cliches.

Samuel Goldwyn

That's the trouble with directors. Always biting the hand that lays the golden egg.

Samuel Goldwyn

Even if they had it in the streets, I wouldn't go.

Samuel Goldwyn

Yes, but keep copies.

Samuel Goldwyn

I had a monumental idea this morning, but I didn't like it.

Samuel Goldwyn

I read part of it all the way through.

Samuel Goldwyn

I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.

Samuel Goldwyn

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.