Famous Quotes & Sayings

Lily Tomlin

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.

Lewis Black

They've gotta stop reporting wind chill. That's nonsense. It really is. I don't know where they came up with it, why they came up with it, but it's a lie. They come on, "Well, it's 27 degrees today, but with the wind chill, it's minus 3." ... Well, then it's minus 3, asshole! I don't need to know what the weather was like if the conditions were perfect!

Lewis Black

Republicans have nothing but bad ideas and Democrats have no ideas.

Karen Horney

The perfect normal person is rare in our civilization.

Jules Renard

I finally know what distinguishes man from the other beasts: financial worries.

Karl Lagerfeld

I never smoked. I never drank and I never took drugs. The funny thing is, nothing is more boring, people like this. For me, it's OK. But most of my friends, at least they smoke and drink.

Dave Barry

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth *and* fresher breath.

Dave Barry

Never trust anything you read in a travel article.

Charles Dickens

For your popular rumour, unlike the rolling stone of the proverb, is one which gathers a deal of moss in its wanderings up and down.

Charles Dickens

"She's a very charming and delightful creature," quoth Mr. Robert Sawyer, in reply; "and has only one fault that I know of, Ben. It happens, unfortunately, that that single blemish is a want of taste. She don't like me."

Charles Dickens

Dombey and Son had often dealt in hides, but never in hearts. They left that fancy ware to boys and girls, and boarding-schools and books. Mr. Dombey would have reasoned: That a matrimonial alliance with himself must, in the nature of things, be gratifying and honourable to any woman of common sense. That the hope of giving birth to a new partner in such a house, could not fail to awaken a glorious and stirring ambition in the breast of the least ambitious of her sex.

Charles Dickens

... As to sleep, you know, I never sleep now. I might be a Watchman, except that I don't get any pay, and he's got nothing on his mind.

We're in a funny space. Too much good news is not good news because the market worries about the Fed.

Bob Hope

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

Erma Bombeck

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.

Daniel Tosh

How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.

David Ogilvy

The consumer isn't a moron; she is your wife.

Angelina Jolie

I am odd-looking. I sometimes think I look like a funny Muppet.

Dan Quayle

We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world.

Dan Quayle

My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will, never, never surrender to what is right.

Dan Quayle

If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.