Famous Quotes & Sayings

Woody Allen

Figures tell us there are already more people on earth than we need to move even the heaviest piano.

Woody Allen

I was a nervous child, I was a bedwetter. I used to sleep with an electric blanket and I was constantly electrocuting myself.

Woody Allen

I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's.

Woody Allen

I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you take two negative points?

William J. Clinton

Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave badly around women. And I hope I never get into that.

William J. Clinton

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

William J. Clinton

Sometimes I feel like a fire hydrant looking at a pack of dogs.

Sarah Silverman

I'm Jewish, but I'm totally not.

Sarah Silverman

And we're just all made of molecules and we're hurtling through space right now.

Richard M. Nixon

Federal and state laws (should) be changed to no longer make it a crime to possess marijuana for private use.

Richard M. Nixon

In the television age, the key distinction is between the candidate who can speak poetry and the one who can only speak prose.

Reba McEntire

It's funny how many people will come to Vegas to see your show where they might not come out to see you unless you come to their hometown.

Richard Pryor

I'd like to make you laugh for about ten minutes though I'm gonna be on for an hour.

Richard Lamm

Christmas is the time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell government what they want and their kids pay for it.

Trey Parker

It's funny because I think a lot of it is simply... We've never considered ourselves satirists, but because we're on Comedy Central and because we're South Park on Comedy Central, we can do any topic we want.

Trey Parker

No, writing musicals is the hardest thing in the world. And it was really funny, because I remember when the South Park movie came out, there were some critics that said, 'Well it's obvious that in order to get it to be 90 minutes they filled some time with music.'

Robin Williams

We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

Robin Williams

The Second Amendment! It says you have the right to bear arms, or the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!

Robin Williams

When I was growing up they used to say, "Robin, drugs can kill you." Now that I'm 58 my doctor's telling me, "Robin, you need drugs to live." I realize now that my doctor is also my dealer...

Robin Williams

I went to rehab for alcoholism in wine country, just to keep my options open.

Robin Williams

When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?

Robin Williams

Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason.

Robin Williams

Look at airport security now. What started out as definite racial profiling is now where the computer picks a name. That's why you get a seven-month-old getting a pat down. [Imitates a security officer.] "Check the diapers. They're full."

Robin Williams

And some people say Jesus wasn't Jewish. Of COURSE he was Jewish! 30 years old, single, lives with his parents, come on! He works in his father's business, his mom thought he was God's gift, he's Jewish! Give it up!

Robin Williams

Reality: What a concept!

Robin Williams

I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... a large Arctic region covered with ice.

Robin Williams

I like my wine like my women - ready to pass out.

Robin Williams

Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.

Robin Williams

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.'

Robin Williams

Cocaine is God's way of telling you you are making too much money.

Robin Williams

Comedy is acting out optimism.

Robin Williams

The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.

Robin Williams

If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?