Famous Quotes & Sayings

Garry Shandling

After making love I said to my girl, "Was it good for you too?" And she said, "I don't think this was good for anybody."

Garry Shandling

They should put expiration dates on clothing so we men will know when they go out of style.

Garry Shandling

When I'm not in a relationship, I shave one leg. That way, when I sleep, it feels like I'm with a woman.

Garrison Keillor

If you lived today as if it were your last, you'd buy up a box of rockets and fire them all off, wouldn't you?

Garrison Keillor

A cruise ship is a floating town of lazy people.

Garrison Keillor

The funniest line in English is 'Get it?' When you say that, everyone chortles.

Garrison Keillor

There is almost no marital problem that can't be helped enormously by taking off your clothes.

Garrison Keillor

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.

Garrison Keillor

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

Frank Lloyd Wright

Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles.

Frank Lloyd Wright

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

Frank Bruno

Boxing's all about getting the job done as quickly as possible, whether it takes 10 or 15 or 20 rounds.

Francois Truffaut

In love, women are professionals, men are amateurs.

George Deukmejian

The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.

Geezer Butler

Ozzy wanted to get us back together. It's been 20 years. We did a couple of songs during his farewell in 1992 and that got the ball rolling.

Lynda Barry

You'll never call him Fifi again.

Lyndon B. Johnson

Heck by the time a man scratches his behind, clears his throat, and tells me how smart he is, we've already wasted fifteen minutes.

Lyndon B. Johnson

Did you ever think that making a speech on economy is a lot like pissing down your leg? It seems hot to you, but it never does to anyone else.

Ludwig Borne

History teaches us virtue, but nature never ceases to teachh us vice.

Louis C. K.

I’m bored’ is a useless thing to say. I mean, you live in a great, big, vast world that you’ve seen none percent of. Even the inside of your own mind is endless; it goes on forever, inwardly, do you understand? The fact that you’re alive is amazing, so you don’t get to say ‘I’m bored.

Louis Armstrong

All music is folk music. I ain't never heard a horse sing a song.

Louis D. Brandeis

I abhor averages. I like the individual case. A man may have six meals one day and none the next, making an average of three meals per day, but that is not a good way to live.

Loretta Lynn

I didn't know how babies were made until I was pregnant with my fourth child.

Lord Byron

The Cardinal is at his wit's end - it is true that he had not far to go.

Lord Byron

All tragedies are finished by a death, All comedies are ended by a marriage.

Lord Byron

For truth is always strange; stranger than fiction.

M. C. Escher

I might be in the basement. I'll go upstairs and check. We adore chaos because we love to produce order. I don't use drugs; my dreams are frightening enough.

Lord Chesterfield

I sometimes give myself admirable advice, but I am incapable of taking it.

Lord Chesterfield

In matters of religion and matrimony I never give any advice; because I will not have anybody's torments in this world or the next laid to my charge.

Lord Chesterfield

Remember that the wit, humour, and jokes of most mixed companies are local. They thrive in that particular soil, but will not often bear transplanting.

Lord Chesterfield

Sexual intercourse is a grossly overrated pastime; the position is undignified, the pleasure momentary and the consequences damnable.

Malcolm de Chazal

A women knows how to keep quiet when she is in the right, whereas a man, when he is in the right, will keep on talking.

Malcolm Gladwell

Without the New York Times, there is no blog community. They'd have nothing to blog about.