Famous Quotes & Sayings

Jimmy Fallon

Steven Spielberg is going to release a biopic about Abraham Lincoln next year. Right, that's a good way to honor Lincoln – by sending people to the theater.

Jimmy Fallon

Apple is apparently building a large solar energy farm in North Carolina. And if there's any justice, the minute they're done building it, God will introduce a newer, smaller sun that's not compatible with their machinery.

Jimmy Fallon

A peacock escaped from the Central Park Zoo and wandered around the city. Either that or I just saw a pigeon on his way to a gay pride parade.

Jimmy Fallon

The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere.

Joan Collins

Age is just a number. It's totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.

Lou Reed

Life is like Sanskrit read to a pony.

Logan Pearsall Smith

I can't forgive my friends for dying; I don't find these vanishing acts of theirs at all amusing.

Logan Pearsall Smith

We need two kinds of acquaintances, one to complain to, while to the others we boast.

Logan Pearsall Smith

If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth

Logan Pearsall Smith

People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading.

John Green

They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.

John Gielgud

I am all in favour of spontaneity, providing it is carefully planned and ruthlessly controlled.

John Fletcher

It's impossible to ravish me, I'm so willing.

John F. Kennedy

I can't see that it's wrong to give him a little legal experience before he goes out to practice law.

John F. Kennedy

Washington is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm.

John F. Kennedy

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

John F. Kennedy

We must use time as a tool, not as a couch.

Jonathan Franzen

Nice people don't necessarily fall in love with nice people.

Jon Stewart

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Jon Stewart

Here’s how bizarre the war is that we’re in in Iraq, and we should have known this right from the get-go: When we first went into Iraq, Germany didn’t want to go. Germany. The Michael Jordan of war took a pass.

Jon Stewart

That's the beauty of our show. Comedy or politics. We're sort of a mix. A space age polymer of both. A synthetic comedy-like material.

Jon Stewart

We declared war on terror-it's not even a noun, so, good luck.

Jon Stewart

I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.

Jon Stewart

Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?

Jon Stewart

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

Katey Sagal

'Married with Children' was racy. It was sexist. It was a lot of things, but mostly it was funny.

Justin Timberlake

'Cause if your love was all I had in this life, well that would be enough until the end of time. So rest your weary heart and relax your mind, 'Cause I'm gonna love you, girl, until the end of time.

Josh Holloway

We have North Shore, Hawaii and Lost all there, so they have softball tournaments between the casts. It's hilarious.

Josh Groban

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

Josh Hutcherson

We've seen some insane signs: 'Is that a loaf of bread in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?' Funny stuff along those lines. Very original. One just said, 'I will do unspeakable things.' I thought that was very interesting - and mildly terrifying!

Katherine Dunham

I am happy to know that my husband regards me as a woman and a person.

James M. Barrie

You see, dear, it is not true that woman was made from man's rib; she was made from his funny bone.

Joe Rogan

It's painful for me to watch someone who isn't funny. It's horrifying to sit in the back and watch some guy who just totally sucks.