Famous Quotes & Sayings

Arthur Smith

Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes, which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the funny stuff in the world.

Arthur Smith

The history of the relationship between comedy and swimming is short indeed. Of course it is always funny when someone falls into water, but that's about it.

Artie Shaw

People ask what those women saw in me. Let's face it, I wasn't a bad-looking stud. But that's not it. It's the music; it's standing up there under the lights. A lot of women just flip; looks have nothing to do with it. You call Mick Jagger good-looking?

Arthur Schopenhauer

To buy books would be a good thing if we also could buy the time to read them.

Arthur Schopenhauer

The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience.

Arthur Schopenhauer

Journalists are like dogs, when ever anything moves they begin to bark.

Aries Spears

Ladies Commit, There's A Wedding In It For You.

Aries Spears

I'm at a very frustrating point in my career because I'm not a millionaire. Like, people assume because you're in movies or TV, you're rich. I'm not rich, but I'm far from broke. I'm what you call a 'thousandaire.'

Aristotle Onassis

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

Arjuna Ranatunga

You can find tea in a tea cup.. but cannot find world in a world cup.

Aphra Behn

Love ceases to be a pleasure, when it ceases to be a secret.

Bruce McCall

Six Secrets to Being a Successful Humorist 1. Be scared, unhappy, and an outcast as a kid. 2. Drop out of high school. 3. Spend time alone. 4. Don't take a comedy course. 5. Read other humorists but don't worship them. 6. Don't get your hopes up.

Bruce Lee

Put every great teacher in a room, and they'd agree about everything, but put their disciples in there and they'd argue about everything.

Brooke Shields

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.

Denis Leary

The best pitch I ever heard about cocaine was back in the early eighties when a street dealer followed me down the sidewalk going: I got some great blow man. I got the stuff that killed Belushi.

Denis Leary

Most people think, "Life sucks, and then you die." I disagree. I think life sucks. Then you get cancer. Then you go into chemotherapy. You lose all your hair, you feel bad about yourself. Then all of the sudden the cancer goes into remission, and then all of the sudden you have a stroke. You can't move your right side. And then, maybe, you die.

Denis Leary

I take music pretty seriously. You see that scar on my wrist? You see that? You know where that's from? I heard the Bee Gees were getting back together again. I couldn't take it, OK!

Denis Leary

I tried eating vegetarian. I felt like a wimp going into a restaurant. "What do you want to eat sir? Broccoli?" Broccoli's a side dish, folks. Always was, always will be, OK! When they ask me what I want, I say: What do you think I want? This is America. I want a bowl of raw red meat right now.

Denis Leary

You know why the French hate us so much? Thay gave us the croissant. And you know what we did with it? We turned it into our croissandwich, thank you very much.

Denis Leary

I'm sick and tired of our generation being called the TV generation. What do you expect? We watched Lee Harvey Oswald get his brains blown out all over. How could we change the channel after that?

Denis Leary

This is the most exciting place in the world to live. Oh yeah! There are so many ways to die in New York City! Race riots, drive by shootings, subway crashes, construction cranes collapsing on the sidewalks, manhole covers blowing up and asbestos shooting into the sky.

Denis Leary

I love to smoke. I love to eat red meat. I'll only eat red meat that comes from cows who smoke, ok!? Special cows they grow in Virginia with voice boxes in their necks. "Moo"

Denis Leary

"Yeah, well, if you eat red meat, it stays in your colon for fifteen years!" Good! I paid for it; I want it in my ass, okay? I want them to find a meat sweater from my esophagus to my asshole when they open me up in the end! "This guy's covered in meat! He's Meat-Man! He's Meat-Tracheotomy-Man!"

Denis Leary

Don't buy the toys that make the noise!

Denis Leary

Yeah, I love living in New York, man, and people who live in New York, we wear that fact like a badge right on our sleeve because we know that fact impresses everybody! I was in Vietnam. So what? I live in New York!

Denis Leary

I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with.

Denis Leary

We live in a country where John Lennon takes eight bullets, Yoko Ono is walking right beside him and not one hits her. Explain that to me!

Denis Leary

I would never do crack... I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass, okay?

Denis Leary

My biggest regret in life is that I didn't hit John Denver in the mouth while I has the chance.

Denis Leary

I will not bond. I will not share. I refuse to nurture.

Denis Leary

I've eaten things that didn't complain this much.

Denis Leary

There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid.

Denis Leary

I do have to say that I think that President Obama is the greatest President in the history of all of our Presidents, and that he can do no wrong in my book. So how's that for prejudice on the Democratic side?